I Can't Believe I am Admitting This!!!!!

True Story! I had already shared this on my Facebook page, but I thought it made a good story for a blog and a chance for you all to get to know me better!

Last week, I had the opportunity to lead an all day dentistry CE event for the Northern San Joaquin Veterinary Medical Association at the Modesto Junior College.  Thank you, Tim McDaniel, CVT and Dr Frankie Bonifacio for inviting me and providing such incredible hospitality.  But, travelling always carries its own challenges and this time was no different.

I landed after a nice, long flight to San Francisco. I fetched my luggage and made my way to the airbus that took me to the rental cars. I signed in and I was led to a lovely, young lady with a clip board. She informed me that all of the compact cars were taken but that she would upgrade me at no further charge to a larger car. No biggie! OK. 

So, we were wandering through the garage and I was in a bit of a hurry. She started naming off the available cars and in my head I think; "Sweetheart...I could care less which car." So, I saw this lovely blue car and blue is my favorite color...done (that's how smart people make decisions). So she took me over to the blue Kia Optima. We inspected the car for damage, I signed and she left me with the perky statement..."The keys should already be in the car".

Well, there were these two "key like" looking things in the console. They had buttons that looked like open lock, lock lock, open trunk and blare horn. But there is no metal key thing sticking out.

I sat there for what seemed like 30 minutes looking at this "key thing" thinking...how do I make the key pop out. Something has to go in the ignition. I looked for other keys. Nothing except a good tour of the car. Do I look like an idiot and ask that sweet 20 some year old blonde girl that has already engaged 3 other customers who have happily crossed over the grated speed bump to their happy California adventures? Are you kidding! No way! Any unexpressed "Y" chromosomes wandering though me, completely forbid my asking this kid that could be a child of mine (except for the rockin' body and blonde hair). 

So, I deduce "Maybe it's Bluetooth".  So, I confidently waved this "key thing" in the vicinity of the dash board....nothing. I pushed all the buttons...doors locked and unlocked, trunk popped open and I scared the bejeezus out of a 90 year old man walking in front of this blue piece of brilliant metal when I pushed the horn button. Still nothing.

Finally, I needed to check out the ignition. Wait..let me find my glasses. There...wait! A button says "ENGINE START STOP". 

It looks like a button. I push it. All of the lights go on but no engine sounds. "Push it again!", the left side of my brain says. Now the car gleefully bids me fair well. I pushed it again...lights went on and it showed me a lovely branch of a blossoming cherry tree and all the gauges move...but no engine sounds. I pushed it again..."Good bye". 

Five cars were inspected and are on their way and now that blonde chick keeps checking me out in the car...to which I smile and act as though I am completely under control, taking a call on my cell before I am on my merry way. Reality...I am embarrassed and warning: Do not come anywhere near me right now or you may be the next thing planted in the San Joaquin Valley.

Finally....through the completely dysfunctional self talk:
Vickie...you make a decision about which car to drive based on the color BLUE!
Vickie...you idiot.
Vickie... if you ask that child for help, she is going to tell all her friends about the 50 some year old moron and it will be on Facebook and that will get 1 million "likes" and someone you know will share it on PetED's wall! You will be found out and everyone will know you are a knucklehead.

Then...by Grace....a piece of random information I hadn't really assimilated when inspecting the car floated from the lovely right side of my brain into a folder in the left side of my brain and in my mind I saw an image from the back of the car saying........
Hybrid. 

I push that ignition button one more time...the car goes through its happy salutations and I hear nothing....nothing. But, I put the car in gear and it moves effortlessly forward. An electric car. OMG! What a simpleton! But, I smile to myself and think...my friends are going to love this. 

You know, dear readers....I shake my head when the "kids" at work don't know who Harvey Korman and Tim Conway are....but at least they would have been on the highway 40 spectacular, sunny minutes before me!